TV Makes You Smart

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TV Makes You Smart

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HBO is creating a show that will follow the transition from female to male. 

J.J. Abrams is directing the first episode of his new show.  It's about married spies.

How could this be a good idea?  A reboot of Battlestar Galactica unrelated to the TV show.

Colin Hanks will be Bradley Whitford's partner in Jack and Dan.

The ads for this show really don't explain what it's all about.  This makes us think it has a high potential for humiliation.

How much money is enough to make airing your dark, dirty secrets?  Here's some guesses and answers.

Bravo is giving Christian Siriano his own show!

And A&E is giving Kirstie Alley her own show.  Apparently it's about weight loss, childcare and...lemurs.

White Collar - Book of Hours

Super guest stars galore this week, with John Ventimiglia (Artie Bucco) and his marvelous hand gestures playing a mob boss who has taken control of a church with a centuries-old bible that is rumored to have healing powers.  When the bible is stolen, the boss turns to the FBI for help.  Peter and Neal clash with Kirk Acevedo over jurisdiction before retrieving the bible from Callie Thorne.  In the process, Neal gets flirty and grabby, Mozzie impersonates a FBI agent (and gets all the funny lines again), Kate's bottle is found to have a NY subway map and an Iraqi Veteran gets free doggy health care from the mob boss.

Vampire Diaries - A Diabolical Master Plan

Stefan has a vampire friend named Lexi who's in town to help him celebrate his 162nd birthday.  She's cute and they're cute together.  They talk briefly about vamp sex and it's steamy.  She gets him to admit he started caring about Elena because of the resemblance to Katherine and she says what we've all been thinking, that Katherine and Elena must be related.  Lexi's awesomely mean to Damon, rolling her eyes at him, clearly disgusted by him and even threatens him physically with her superior strength.  It's satisfying.  Elena decides again that the whole vampire thing is just too much for her and dumps Stefan (again) at the beginning of the episode but then has a heart-to-heart with Lexi about the possibilities and rewards of vampire/human relations and wants to get back with him.  For about two seconds, until Damon frames Lexi for a murder he committed and then stakes her through the heart to get in good with the sheriff.  It is indeed diabolical. Now it's Stefan's turn to break up with Elena.  Bonnie now understands a lot about her magic, including the importance of the crystal.  Damon compels Caroline to get it back for him and when Bonnie won't give it to her she gets mad at Bonnie and Damon gets mad at Caroline and insults her nastily.  She gets sloppy drunk and Matt drives her home.  They bond over feeling alone and sad.  Her holds her sweetly.  Jeremy is a studying, non-partying fool because, it turns out, Damon took away his suffering.  Distraught over Lexi, Stefan attacks Damon and after vicious, zoom-ey fighting, stakes him in the gut.  It doesn't kill him, but now they are somehow even?  As Damon himself says in this episode, "Poor Stefan, persecuted throughout eternity by his depraved brother."  Damon is the funniest bad guy on TV.

What Did We Learn?

!contains minor spoilers about the new season four currently on DirecTV!

Over the years, Friday Night Lights has taught us many things.  We knew long before After the Fall that Tami Taylor almost always knows exactly what to do.  She knows what to say and how to say it.  She knows when an iron fist is needed.  In last week's episode she had a great and funny moment of revenge, but this week she was forced to elevate her game to a whole new level.  When she walked into that restaurant, lured Joe in and then laid the smackdown with precision and faux-innocence we were awestruck.  She even managed to make fun of the golf cart while she was at it.  Buddy was the only one to wave as she left, which was adorable and a nice detail.  We want to be able to navigate the threatening politics of men as successfully as Tami Taylor.  Plus, she stood in front of hundreds of people while they booed her without even starting to tear up.  We need to learn how to do that, because we're pretty sure if it comes down to it we would not be able.

We learned Matt is still adorable and Vince is the new Matt, with an incoherent guardian and all.  We learned there is a huge spot in our hearts that's been waiting for Luke Cafferty.  Both Michael B. Jordan (Vince) and Matt Lauria (Luke) are perfect for this show.  Jordan has an unbelievable capacity for subtle expression.  It fits his character and fits with Kyle Chandler.  Lauria managed to make Luke remorseful, desperate, and heartbroken all at once.  It was incredibly moving and a striking introduction to Luke, who we had met only briefly last week.

We learned that Coach Taylor still loves Tim Riggins and Tim Riggins still loves Coach Taylor.  Remember their late night ping pong game?

Every week we learn again that this show is non-stop great and even while it's breaking our hearts we'll forgive it for anything.

Top Chefs All Stars Dinner - Spill it, Kids!

Fabio is hosting a dinner!  He looks cute in his pink shirt, black jacket and cuff links.  He's standing in Social restaurant in Hollywood.  Tiffany is first to arrive.  They greet each other warmly, then Harold The King comes in, followed by Ilan and they are all graciousness and contentment.  Marcel's entrance on screen is preceded by the Top Chef this-is-serious-music.  Fabio and the guests greet him nicely and Fabio even compliments his work.  In a talking-head, Marcel proves he is utterly lacking in self-awareness when he says he learned a lot from watching himself on Season Two.  He learned he was young and was a force to be reckoned with and that's why people hated him.  A clip of the Season Two stew room shows Ilan yelling at him to learn how to use salt and paprika and until then shut the f up.  I don't remember that scene but I'm sure I loved it just as much then as I do now.  Fabio tries to stir it up between them but neither bites.  Marcel says he and Ilan and "...culinary brothers of other mothers..."  He really did say that.  

So You Think You Can Dance - So We Were Wrong

Oh, America, you know us.  We are not proud.  We can admit when we were wrong.  We said our hearts are cold for Legacy, but they are warming quickly.  We liked them last week in the Top 20 and last night in the Top 18 he and Kathryn pulled off a dance that was beautiful and moving.  Almost from the moment they began we were big teary piles of mush.  We were wrong, okay?  Legacy is committed and Kathryn is gorgeous.  But we also said Karen/Kevin and Ellenore/Ryan were likely to kick ass this season and we could not have been more right about that.  Karen and Kevin left it all on the floor, they are still simply fun to watch.  Ellenore and Ryan scored with their choreographers.  If you haven't seen Miriam and Leonardo dance, watch this.  It's one of the hottest things in the history of human kind.  Ellenore and Ryan did a fabulous job imitating them and their tango succeeded admirably.  And like all the judges said, Ellenore managed it in spite of the fact that her heel was caught in her dress almost the entire time.   Still not buying the Mollee hype.  Don't care how hard it's sold.

V is for Vicious

ABC managed to get this very ambitious show off to an exciting start.  There was nice detail in it, a dedication to the "What if?" factor that we all think about.  For example, it was interesting and totally believable that there would be geek ecstasy over The Visitors, that people would be anxious to see inside a real spaceship, thinking they're finally in their own Star Trek story.  There would be others so desperate for saving, so ready to have all our problems solved without any effort on our part that they would immediately offer devotion.  And there would be hatred from some and others who beg for tolerance.  There would be doubt, fear and confusion.  Men of god would be disagreeing on how to handle it, the same way they disagree on everything.  Parents would be scared that they can't keep their kids safe.  It makes sense that The Vs have their equivalent of the Nazi youth movement.  That they would infiltrate law enforcement.  Their "Healing Centers" are the perfect cover for all manner of frakkin scary things.  But they have weaknesses.  It appears their bodies are as fragile as ours.  Underground movements are onto them and have been for years.  V sleeper cells end up on the FBI radar.  Anna (who we found super creepy) makes her toy journalist mad with her on-air comment about asking her anything after she specifically told him he couldn't.  Why hasn't anyone asked exactly how long they plan to stay?  And did anyone else immediately fall in love with Erica the moment she first saw the ship and pushed Tyler behind her, as though she could single-handedly save him from an alien invasion?  Was anyone else glad to see her and Father Jack meet up?  All in all, we are very excited by this show.  On the other hand, we were excited by Flash Forward after the pilot and rarely since.

The Good Wife - Conjugal

The stakes are high this episode, as Alicia works on an appeal for a death row inmate.  It starts with an effort to prove he did not receive a fair trial and moves on to attempting to prove his innocence.  Alicia and Cary unintentionally end up working together after each is suckered in by the determination of the convict's clever wife and the cuteness of their daughter.  It takes help from Kalinda and Peter, but they are successful and an innocent man is saved.  It's an interesting case based on a Bull's sweatshirt and the inability of people to recognize suspects outside of their own race.  To get Peter's help, Alicia has to pay him a conjugal visit in order to keep their conversation private and unrecorded.  They are both uncomfortable.  She's disturbed and more than a little disgusted by the room where the visit takes place and she doesn't share the bed with Peter.  Before she turns the lights out for the night she briefly holds his hand.  It's sad.  We are reminded once again that Cary and Alicia are competing for one job as Will and Diane start to face off over who is staying.  Will argues that Alicia makes the prosecution nervous, but shockingly doesn't mention that she's brilliant and kicks major ass every time she is given a chance.  No kids or mother-in-law this week.  Next week some guy with a lot of hair flirts with Alicia.

Dear Sons of Anarchy: Thank you, I hate you...WTF?

You know what?  Jax Teller's ass is not a universal cure for all that ails us.  Don't get me wrong, it comes close.  So thank you, Sons of Anarchy.  Anytime you want to show us Jax stripping down and getting in the shower, we'll take it. 

But I hate you for Zobelle's continued victory.  Why do the white separatists always get to win?  On the other hand, who is more evil?  Zobelle or Clay?  I don't know anymore.  While we're on the subject, I hate you for Clay's loss of perspective and common sense.  Who will get behind him on dealing with Hamas?  Even Tig has a conscience these days.

Thank you for SAMCRO finally succeeding at a criminal endeavor.  They may have taken the long, wrong way around it, but they accomplished with the judge what they needed to.  How messed up was that guy that he was ready to watch his son die but not his love letters burn?  Nice touch.

Thank you for Gemma and Unser even though it was kind of corny.  Finally, Gemma finds a little of what she needs.  Next week says aloud that she has suspicions about John Teller's death!  Gasp!

WTF?  Chuckie had to die?  I know it's not certain, but still.  And while Darby was a scumbag, at least he was a scumbag SAMCRO could consistently subdue.  Although, Jax thinking Clay did it?  Brilliant.

I want to thank you for Opie finally finding a bit of happiness or comfort in Lyla, but I suspect you're setting him up for another fall.

Finally, Bobby bakes banana bread?  Really?  It's super cute.  Thank you.  He's trying so hard to hold everyone together.

Told You So

If the girls sent home from the season premiere of For The Love of Ray J had read and followed our instructions for winning, they would still be on the show.  Two of them had their trespasses clearly outlined in rule #1.  Fettuccini foolishly bragged about being a starf***er and Tipsy appeared to be there just to party.  Ray J didn't make a connection with Diego, but she could have helped her chances by following rule #2.  We're considering a new rule due to her very egregious offense.  She thought Ray J needs her career advice.  That's a new one.

Castle - Alexis Figures It Out

A pop singer is killed and found hanging upside down in an alley in a position similar to one she strikes in a music video.  The psycho stalking fan didn't kill her, her ex-manager didn't kill her, her ex-bandmates didn't kill her, her junkie sister didn't kill her.  Thanks to Alexis's high level of fandom and smarts, Castle figures out what happened from listening to the last song the pop princess ever wrote.  We learn that Beckett likes watching Castle and Alexis together.  We notice that Ryan and Esposito are sorely underused. 

The Sylar Show

Once upon a time in Texas a Japanese guy who is kind of adorable but also kind of annoying, almost as though the plot to his life has been convoluted beyond repair, shows up at the diner where Sylar is having breakfast.  The Japanese guy is in love with the waitress who takes Sylar's food order.  When Sylar wants to take her super memory power and kill her, the Japanese guy stops time and messes with Sylar.  But then the waitress is going to die anyway and Japanese guy needs Sylar to save her.  First Sylar throws him against a bus and then tries to take his power and kill him but he keeps stopping time.  He says he knows how Sylar dies and if Sylar saves the waitress he'll tell him.  Dr. Sylar is successful.  But then he learns only that he dies alone.  Also, some guy in glasses almost cheats on his wife but it doesn't seem at all important.  Why does this show call itself Heroes? 

Mad Men - The Whole Country is Drinking

America.  We all remember watching TV all day long on 9/11, even when nothing new was being reported.  We watched as talking news heads repeated themselves over and over.  We all looked at each other to see if anyone else had a clue about what should be done.  Do we stay at work?  Is it okay to drive somewhere?  Will stores be open?  What about tomorrow?  When tomorrow came all we could talk about was the day before.  On Mad Men we saw the characters reacting to the national tragedy of their time and we can't help but notice the difference.  Their TVs aren't as nice.

The episode reminded us, as this show often does, that some things never change.  Office buildings are too hot or too cold.  Adults act like children and children understand more than their li'l hearts can bear.  Smart girls sleep with unworthy men.  And some people hate the president.

About Last Night

On Curb Your Enthusiasm, Larry discovered his dad saved $100 by using "Past Away" in place of "Passed Away" on Larry's mom's grave marker.  Then Larry accidentally killed a golfer with a heart attack and a beautiful black swan with a golf club.  It was another great episode, but where the frak is Leon?

Bored to Death was super fun last week because it was George-heavy.  Last night he didn't show up until twelve minutes in and we felt his absence but next week he boxes his nemesis.  Promising.

We have been fans of The Globetrotters ever since The Amazing Race season premiere.  Last night they had to learn a traditional Dutch dance dressed in regional dress and it was one of the greatest race scenes ever.  Fabulous.  We still like Gary and Matt because they seem nice and normal.  As far as Bryan and Ericka go we'd like to say to Bryan, "That's what you get for marrying Miss America."  Maria and Tiffany were eliminated and while they were disadvantaged when it comes to upper body strength, Maria is a defeatist asshole and they will not be missed.

It was parents' weekend on Tool Academy and there was something great and kickass about Nicole's mom Kate.  She was righteously pissed (as she should be) that her daughter is dating an unfaithful douche, but she managed to articulate her feelings in an objective way and was open to listening and giving Dancing Tool the benefit of the doubt.  Clearly no one told her how parents are supposed to act on VH1.

VH1 Sex Rehab - The Patients

All right VH1, we know it's been a tough year.  It's impossible to forget that there's an entire season of I Love Money just sitting somewhere completely wasted, because I Love Money is killer and hilarious.  But Real Chance of Love has its moments and My Antonio, while boring in parts, was interesting because he is a legitimate heartthrob but also kind of a whiny moody bitch.  So we still watch VH1.  And last night we watched Sex Rehab with Dr. Drew and it was fantastic.  Eight patients checked in to the Pasadena Recovery Center to be treated for their sex addictions.  Some of these people spend so much time masturbating that they barely leave their homes.  Only one patient, Kendra Jade is married and is afraid that without help she'll end up wreaking her marriage.  Her husband is Lukas Rossi, the winner of Rockstar Supernova.  Remember?  The others admit that their sex addictions keep them from experiencing real intimacy and developing long-term romantic relationships.  They are all afraid of ending up alone. 

White Collar - Threads

During fashion week Peter and Neal hunt down a mysterious murdering Isreali counterfeiter called The Ghost.  They entice him to show himself by throwing a fabulous rooftop garden party littered with models. Fabulous rooftops abound in the New York of White Collar.  Their bromance blossoms cutely through successfully clever banter and both admiring the skills of the other.  Mozzie helps Neal decipher a message from Kate and in the process gets a good laugh from his familiarity with Mad Magazine.  The Ghost is convincingly evil and stays competent and ingenious for most of the hour.  Stealing and smuggling data is nothing new in crime fiction, but smuggling a currency hologram into America via couture?  Pretty frakkin' cool.  Escape by an elevator not on the latest blueprints?  Pretty frakkin' smart.  One thing we still don't get is why we should care about Peter and Elizabeth's marriage.  We want to care, we just don't have a good reason for it.  The business with the watch is cute at first, then overdone when she somehow ties his old watch to his ability to stay alive...or something.  At least if it continues to go nowhere it doesn't take much screen time to get there.  Next week we get Callie Thorne and Kirk Acevedo (or as we call them, Sheila and Alvarez) and that is a very promising start to any hour of television.

news

SyFy has ordered a version of a BBC series called Being Human that sounds really great.  It's about three roommates, 20-somethings who happen to be a ghost, a werewolf and a vampire.  Awesome.

Inspired by President Obama telling everyone to take responsibility, VH1 has a new show called Dad Camp. 

FastForward Finally Lives Up To The Hype

We're faithfully watching this show but after the pilot it's been disappointing.  Not terrible, but not particularly compelling, either.  Especially last week with everything in Washington that wasn't a gunfight.  Snore.  But this last episode, "Scary Monsters and Super Creeps" was more exciting.  Still a little heavy-handed, like the beginning when Simon's explanation of Schrodinger's Cat is laid on top of Janis's fight for life.  We get it.  She's both alive and dead until we come back from commercial.

The Simcoes in the Benford household was a great scene in its awkwardness and tension.  Mark's pronunciation of "Not yet" when Simcoe identifies Olivia as the woman in his flash forward was moving and Mark and Olivia's argument about each condemning the other for things they haven't done invested us in their relationship for the first time.  Then a few minutes later when they went to different parts of the house to brood and mourn we divested immediately.

Other really good moments were the random tough guy on the bus who helped Dylan without telling us he has an autistic brother or some such and of course Simcoe revealing, "Our experiment killed twenty million people."  We have a theory about this show and it's shockingly simple.  Ready?  In order for an episode to be interesting, the kangaroo must be involved.

Vampire Diaries - "Now I'm bored"

It may be because it's been two whole weeks since a new episode, but last night's Vampire Diaries was very exciting.  Vicki continued to be a more compelling character than when she was human, giggling over wanting people blood and nearly killing that prick Tyler.  Her exasperation was great.  "Why do I have to pee?  I thought I was dead." 

On the other hand, Elena was more annoying than she has been.  Starting with her visit to Stefan's, where she is taunted (awesomely) by Damon, then complains to Stefan about the effect of Vicki's transition upon her own life.  Like, gawd, Elena, it's not always about you.  And she tries to tell Vicki what to do without ever thinking that she's in no position to make demands of someone who's not fond of her to begin with and is suddenly much stronger and faster than herself.  Dumbass.   Then at the end of the episode she asks Stefan to compel Jeremy to forget and when he says he hasn't the strength it never occurs to her to give him some of her blood.  Come on, Elena!  Don't make us hate you.

Damon refuses to be an evil stereotype.  We are forced to root for him as he skillfully plays the well-intentioned Salvatore nephew in order to thwart the vampire hunt. He steps up to help Jeremy and Elena.  His lust for Elena's blood was a nice moment and his scene with Bonnie was great.  It was perfect that she stood up to him brattily but then turned and fled when something supernatural happened.  There were some story problems with Stefan and Damon not being able to catch or keep up with Vicki.  That didn't make any sense.

Stefan gets some good story this episode.  When he is forced to vaguely admit past misdeeds in front of Elena we were touched and her confession of love/lust/like in the last scene was a relief because it greatly increases the odds that we'll see kissing and shirtlessness.  Next week his old (super old) girlfriend comes back!  Awesome.  Maybe Elena will be annoying again and get a good smackdown.

news

Minor True Blood spoilers based on casting calls.  Very enticing.

Boardwalk Empire is coming to HBO next season.  Where is Gentlemen of Leisure?

An amusing story about the Church of Scientology Spokesperson freaking out.